(It’s my) Birthday Confessions!
I can't remember if I've ever sent an "It's my birthday" email in the past 13 years of my business...but either way, here we go!
I'm just going to jump right into it--a mishmash of facts about me for you to possibly enjoy:
I'm a Gemini with Pisces rising and Virgo moon. I feel like the Pisces in me is what shows up the most and sort of makes sense for the work I do in the world. I love my Pisces :) The Virgo moon fucks me up all the time because it is such a damn perfectionist. I try and explain to it that perfectionism is a tool of the patriarchy but it won't listen. And I've always adored my Gemini sun--for me, Gemini shows up as fun, quick, and perpetually interested in life.
My Human Design: in traditional Human Design I'm a Pure Manifesting Generator with a 3/5 profile. The 3/5 lines are Martyr/Heretic. In Quantum Human Design I'm a Time Bender and the 3/5 lines stand for Explorer/Visionary Leader. I LOVE HAVING THE 3/5 TIMELINE! It makes so much sense for who I am and the work I do in the world! Human Design is complicated but I actually find it super practical and helpful with my life and business. My favorite Human Design practitioner is Maureen Webb.
Quantum purpose of the Explorer: To explore and experience possibilities and share your experiences with others to protect and serve them
Quantum purpose of the Visionary Leader: To serve as a “Karmic Mirror” for others and to support the healing process through the reflection by teaching and sharing the highest potential of humanity possible.
HELL YES!
A VISION I HAD TWO YEARS AGO: On my birthday 2 years ago I was in bed with COVID. Scott was on the East Coast with COVID and Beck was home with me--also with COVID! FUN!
I was still sick, but had mostly recovered. It ended up being a really great birthday! I spent it in bed, talking to friends on the phone, just connecting and feeling the love. Towards the end of the day--and I don’t remember what or why this was brought on--I got a vision. Or a Download. A download with a visual component!
Out before me, I saw what basically looked like a subway map, but all the lines on it were gold. I instantly knew that what I was looking at was a map of my life and the choices I had made at different points that had brought me to different paths. I could also see where I was on the map. Basically, I was towards the top in the center.
I could also see a line on the bottom center of the map, that fairly quickly veered all the way to the left and then straight up. This line was thicker and brighter than the rest. I instinctively knew that this was the line of my soul’s desire. And I could very clearly see that I was not following that line! It was really deeply emotional to be viewing this and it’s hard to put into words all the understanding and knowledge I instantly had while looking at it. What became very clear that I was off my path.
I remember calling Scott, and crying to him, letting him know about the vision and letting him know I was feeling a deep grief. And that moving forward, I wanted to make sure I was moving towards that line of my soul's desire. I remember, sobbing, "I don’t want to live another year having any regret!"
It’s been two years since then, and it has been quite the journey! I’ve been in individual therapy and couples therapy. In fact, every Tuesday, I have an hour of personal therapy and an hour of couples therapy so yes, that will be happening today!
I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that despite all the work I’ve done in my life, I still have a default of taking care of others before I take care of myself. And the thing is because I’ve done so much work on this. I had actually been fooling myself that I wasn’t doing that anymore. But in fact, I was. Especially with Scott. I learned that I was always taking care of him and his emotions with a major fear in myself of letting him down, fear of having him feel sad, or anything at all that wasn’t happy! Y’all can infer immediately that this is no way to live and no way to have a healthy relationship. I feel like all I’ve learned about all of this probably deserves it’s own email so I’ll think about writing that! The bottom line is that the last years I have really been on a journey of remembering who I am but also discovering who I am and it’s been hard and incredibly rewarding.
I'm still on that journey and I have to say, I really love it. I love it even though it has been fucking hard at times--but also, I FEEL MORE LIKE MYSELF maybe more than I have at any other time of my life. And I've gotten really good at holding others as capable of dealing with the TRUTH OF WHO I AM. Dang. IT IS SO FREEING!
I AM LIVING IN EUROPE THIS SUMMER!
This is the last little tidbit that I'll be sharing this email because it is already longer than I like to make them! I know we're all busy!
But I'm super super excited to share that I'll be living and traveling in Europe this summer. We are going because Scott has a work sabbatical--which means he has to work on a project (he's working on using storytelling in teaching science!) so obviously Beck and I are going with him.
I have created a plan with my clients that I will be meeting with them 1x per month during the summer (but am available via messaging and Voxer.) I truly wanted to create a time of freedom and exploration and I AM SO GRATEFUL THIS IS POSSIBLE.
I will be writing to you from the road and sharing my adventures with you! Here's a quick and dirty list of where we'll be going:
Munich
Vienna
Brno
Copenhagen
Dublin (and around Ireland)
Amsterdam and two hours outside of Amsterdam visiting friends I met in Syria 20 years ago!
Paris
Turkey (Istanbul, Izmir, Selçuk, Fethiye)
Edinburgh (for the Fringe Festival! And I have tickets to see Alok!)
The Lake District in England
London
I'll be posting on Instagram and sending out the newsletter during the journey!
If you wish to give me a birthday present (zero pressure!), I'd LOOOOOVE LOVE LOVE for you to subscribe to my podcast and review it! It really would mean the world to me! Thank you! I cannot do this work without you!