How We Are Sheltering in Place in San Francisco
Dear Beautiful Elijah,
Recently a client said to me, "I hate that our session has to be about the F#*cking COVID-19! I just want to do our regular work!
"I know. I totally get it. The thing is, that the situation with COVID-19 IS THE WORK right now."
I am telling you this because I want to acknowledge that EVERY FLIPPIN EMAIL coming through right now is about F#*cking COVID-19! Right?!!
So here's another one. Because COVID-19 IS OUR WORK right now: our emotional work, our mental work, our physical work, our spiritual work. There's really no way around it.
I wanted to share how my family is approaching this massive change in our lives.
As of this past Monday, March 16th, Beck's school shut down for three weeks. Since that shut down, it has become abundantly clear to us that "three weeks" is a pipe dream--there will be no going back to school this year unless there is a miracle (and I'm completely open to miracles)!
My sister lives with us and she has started working from home.
My husband is working from home. He is a physician but does not work directly with patients--he's a "doctor's doctor" and he diagnoses diseases and also runs a research lab. UCSF has asked all staff that is able, to stay home as much as possible. This week (starting today) he is on clinical service so will go to the hospital. We are discussing how to handle that safely--for example, he will need to shower and wash clothes immediately upon returning from the hospital.
I have worked from home for years. Suddenly my peaceful office is MAYHEM with all four of us here!
WE ARE FORTUNATE. He have a home, not a small apartment--so even with all of us here, we have space. We three adults all have work. Beck has access to incredible resources. We live next to a huge park that we can take walks in as long as we stay away from other people. We have food. We have running water. We have hot water. We all also are natural homebodies and introverts! AND--WE REALLY LOVE BEING TOGETHER. We are fucking lucky.
Like many people, we've gotten creative. Beck's violin teacher gave a lesson via Skype.
Even though we are so fortunate, like you, I have DAILY FREAK OUTS. I feel fear. My fear is around HOW IS ALL THIS GOING TO UNFOLD? HOW WILL PEOPLE MAKE A LIVING? Who will stay healthy? WHEN WILL THIS END? WILL IT END?!
How about you? What is the voice of your freak out saying?
WHAT WE ARE DOING TO MAKE THIS WORK:
I wanted to share a few of the things we are doing as a family to make this work. This isn't about how to save the world (although I'm very interested in that!) This is simply about how to live together and make things work during this time when we are all together, all the time with no clear end in site.
1) We make a daily schedule. THIS IS KEY, especially as parents. Both Scott and I have work to do every day AND we need to take care of Beck. So each day we look at our schedules and we divide the time of work and homeschooling (except most of this week when it falls to me while he is at the hospital...it's going to get interesting!)
2) We are willing to experiment with what works for Beck regarding homeschooling and we are willing to make mistakes. In other words, it is okay if we aren't perfect. We aren't beating ourselves up about not knowing what we are doing! (BTW--I'll share some resources at the bottom of this email.)
3) We aren't nitpicking "equal". This is actually a staple in our marriage that we've been practicing for years and is really coming in handy now--we don't keep tabs. Our mindset is that we each "hold up the ceiling" for each other...sometimes I hold up the ceiling for Scott, sometimes he holds up the ceiling for me. We trust each other to make the decisions of when to do that and who needs it. This is a waaaaaaay longer conversation, BTW...but hopefully you get the idea. Point is, it is extra important to SUPPORT each other willingly and not keep tabs and spiral down into pettiness during this time--which feels super easy to do as stress and pressure mounts.
4) We are making jokes about all the annoying things! Or maybe it is more that we are laughing at ourselves. Because Scott does a bunch of things that bug me and I am sure I do a bunch of things that bug him, LOL! We are human after all. So we are lovingly teasing each other about these things, which helps--because it really is important to EXPRESS YOURSELF--holding in all the things that annoy us just puts walls up and that sucks. Walls are worse than minor outbursts. If you don't have a good sense of humor about your flaws, now is a very good time to start practicing and developing one!
5) We are being extra loving as much as possible. We touch as we pass. We hug. When I was sitting next to him going over finances (usually a super stressful activity!) I laid my head on his shoulder and told him how grateful I was for him. It feels incredibly important to express love and gratitude for our partners right now, BECAUSE THIS IS HARD! It helps me so much to lean into gratitude for my husband as opposed to being completely annoyed that we are together 24/7!!
Lastly, we are still figuring things out. I will be sharing with you as I learn and understand things more. For example--figuring how to both work from home, homeschool, walk our dog, AND actually get stuff done! We are still working on that!
I'd LOOOOOOOVE to hear from you about what is working--and what your challenges are. I'll be sure to share your ideas in another newsletter. SUPPORTING EACH OTHER IS WHERE IT'S AT!
Lots of love,
Elijah
P.S. Some resources for parents!
1) Awesome google doc that some beautiful soul out there made for things to do with your kids during this time.
2) 30 Easy Paper Crafts to do with your kids
3) Storyline--celebrities reading books to your kiddos!